Tia Shanda!

Yesterday, I came home from work and went outside with the children. They all brought out their punching balloons from Ben's Birthday celebration on Sunday. They began tossing the balloons up in the air and yelling, "Tia Shanda, Tia Shanda" as if to get her attention.

Andrew accidentally popped his balloon and I made a funny face and sound to try to distract him from getting real upset. However, he didn't get upset he just made a sigh and said, "Tia Shanda!" and then looked up. I wonder do they understand that she is in heaven...

On Ben's birthday, we had helium balloons. The children sent up some of the balloons after the party to Tia Shanda and Dazie, out rat terrier that recently passed away. They waved the balloons off and yelled to my sister!

Well, as you know here in the South, it's hot! I went in after 15-20 minutes and the children followed. Andrew wanted to go back out. He kept saying my sister's name. I have a picture of my sister on the mantle near the back door. I showed him, "This is your Tia Shanda." Ya'll he took the picture and pointed it up to heaven as if to show my sister..."I see you too!" That was a precious moment for me.

How I wish she was here to share this with me...how I remember the long talks we had and the dreams of becoming pregnant together...the many talks about parenting; the hugs and the listening ear...I miss her terribly.

What is really crazy is that my sister had people praying for me that I don't even know concerning this adoption! It was neat to see after she died those people come up and tell me that.

Today, at work the chaplain of the hospital sent out the "daily word" and it was something about acknowledging loss in our lives and remembering not only the persons and what was so great about them, but also the great things they imparted in us...so, today, I remember Shanda, my sister! She was a great person who stood apart from the rest; a person who shared the gospel with me; would reassure me, but tell me the truth when I needed it when others avoided it...she was a shoulder to cry on; She was a good mother. She loved her children more than her own life. She put others before herself. She was an artist, a photographer, a poet, and so many talents that went undiscovered...My sister, a jewel, one that God chose not to do without any longer...one that he only let us borrow for a time...I could continue to ask "Why?" but does it benefit me? I have to grab onto the things she has imparted into me; I have to stand for what we believe. Two years before she died, she sent me a framed picture art of two pewter girls, and it stated in print, "Shanda and Wendi, Sisters Forever" for my birthday. And Shanda, I declare it today...I stand on the mountain, and yell it...that we are "Sisters Forever!!!!" and I love you dearly.

I praise the Lord for all that He has done during this period of my life. He has put others in my life to help me, but He, Himself, has never left nor forsaken me...Thank you, Father. Thank you for holding my sister close to you and drawing her to you before she left this place...thank you for the awesome memories...I pray that you strengthen her children and grow them up in the knowledge of who you are, and let them know that I love them so much...teach them that your love for them is even greater! Help us to learn to rejoice in the fact that she is with you, and learn not to be selfish. Forgive me for being selfish and wanting her here. Help me to be whatever I am to be to her inheritance, to her children. Strengthen my mother and father as they grieve over the loss of their first-born. Strengthen all those who knew her, including her husband. Let her voice ring out through that of her young. Let all who meet them say, "How they remind them of the beauty of Shanda," her grace and love...I pray those things over them Lord...please hear the cry of my heart...

Well, thanks for listening tonight. I thought it was something worth documenting for the children, and cathartic for me. God bless!